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silly stuff: "Visions of Management 2003"
Monday, 23 June 2003 18:46Essential NEW WORDS FOR 2003 editions of the work place vocabulary handbook.
BLAMESTORMING
Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
SEAGULL MANAGER
A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves. It's VERY annoying!
ASSMOSIS
The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard
SALMON DAY
The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end. Some days are just like that!
CUBE FARM
An office filled with cubicles. I've known open plan offices like this.
MEERKAT MADNESS
When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on. (This also applies to applause from a promotion because there maybe cake, coffee and doughnuts.) And I've seen this happen.
MOUSE POTATO
The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato. Me!
SITCOM's
Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids or start a "home business".
STRESS PUPPY
A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiney.
XEROX SUBSIDY
Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.
PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE
The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again. Well it works!
ADMINISPHERE
The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the common worker.
Decisions that fall from the "adminisphere" are often profoundly
inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
This is often affiliated with the dreaded "administrivia" needless paperwork and processes. And is affected by Administratium. See below.
404
Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located. Brain not detected?
OHNOSECOND
That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake. Closely related to that OHNOMINUTE.
WOOFYS
Well Off Older Folks.
CROP DUSTING
Surreptitiously farting while passing thru a cube farm, then enjoying the sounds of dismay and disgust; leads to MEERKAT MADNESS. This is just evil but fun!
From a while ago, for those that haven't seen it:
A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. This new element has been tentatively named “Administratium”. Administratium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons and 111 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by a force called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
Because Administratium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Administratium causes one reaction to take more than four days when it would normally take less than a second.
Administratium has a half-life of 3 years; it does not decay but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Administratium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization causes some morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate that Administratium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as “Critical Morass”. You will know it when you see it.
BLAMESTORMING
Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
SEAGULL MANAGER
A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves. It's VERY annoying!
ASSMOSIS
The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard
SALMON DAY
The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end. Some days are just like that!
CUBE FARM
An office filled with cubicles. I've known open plan offices like this.
MEERKAT MADNESS
When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on. (This also applies to applause from a promotion because there maybe cake, coffee and doughnuts.) And I've seen this happen.
MOUSE POTATO
The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato. Me!
SITCOM's
Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids or start a "home business".
STRESS PUPPY
A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiney.
XEROX SUBSIDY
Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.
PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE
The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again. Well it works!
ADMINISPHERE
The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the common worker.
Decisions that fall from the "adminisphere" are often profoundly
inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
This is often affiliated with the dreaded "administrivia" needless paperwork and processes. And is affected by Administratium. See below.
404
Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located. Brain not detected?
OHNOSECOND
That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake. Closely related to that OHNOMINUTE.
WOOFYS
Well Off Older Folks.
CROP DUSTING
Surreptitiously farting while passing thru a cube farm, then enjoying the sounds of dismay and disgust; leads to MEERKAT MADNESS. This is just evil but fun!
From a while ago, for those that haven't seen it:
A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. This new element has been tentatively named “Administratium”. Administratium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons and 111 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by a force called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
Because Administratium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Administratium causes one reaction to take more than four days when it would normally take less than a second.
Administratium has a half-life of 3 years; it does not decay but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Administratium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization causes some morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate that Administratium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as “Critical Morass”. You will know it when you see it.
